Please read this question from a Christian man…
How can I be a good Christian husband if I am not attracted to my overweight wife?
Let me clarify some things, so people understand what exactly I am asking. I am 30, my wife is 28 (we have been married for 10 years) I love my wife and I married her for reasons beyond physical attraction. I am not contemplating divorce or sex outside our marriage. My wife and I have sex maybe 1 or 2 times a month, sometimes once every couple months. The more weight she gains the less I am attracted to her and the less I approach her for sex. She has gained about 50-60lbs since we have been married.I have made it clear to her that I am not attracted to big/thick/overweight women. I still love her and am willing to “stick it out” with her until death do us part; I am content with what God has given me.
The problem is not with me because as I said, I am content. The problem is that my wife is unhappy because my shows of affection have basically disappeared. She is a Christian woman, but apparently this is not her view of a healthy marriage. She is not content with my affection toward her or lack there of, or our sex life. I have bought her many Christian books to bring her closer to God and hopefully expose the gluttony that she is a slave to. She has tried countless diets and work out programs, but she is just not consistent. She will lose maybe 10lbs and then gain it back. I care about her feelings and want her to still feel loved, so sometimes I force affection, but she sees through it.
I guess I am not good at showing affection if the emotion isn’t behind it. I have told her that if she thinks we don’t have enough sex, she could always approach me for sex and I would never turn her down as I would never want her to turn me down if I really wanted it. She doesn’t see that as a legitimate option. She believes a man at my age should be craving sex frequently (probably a few times a week at least). That is probably reasonable, but I purposely suppressed my sexual appetite by focusing on God to avoid pornography and worse infidelity. She has suggested that I workout with her to motivate her, but I work 5 days a week at odd night/graveyard type hours, I am trying to write a book and go back to school. At some point doesn’t she need to take responsibility for her own body,happiness, and contentment or am I not doing enough as a husband? Is it unreasonable for me to ask my wife to approach me for sex if she wants it and I am not showing any intention of initiating? Any help would be appreciated.
